Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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