remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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