Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Randomize
