This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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