Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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