I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
