Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
