I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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