can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
