I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
