Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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