Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
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