normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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