Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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