I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
