Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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