so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I need to wash the frat house off of me
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
