My sheets look like a crime scene.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
