Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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