It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
