So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
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