I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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