I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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