found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
