My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
