he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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