I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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