Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
