so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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