You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
