Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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