Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
