well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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