Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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