I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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