i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
