The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
