so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
