So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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