I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm like, not good at living.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
