she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
