last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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