You don't have asthma, your pregnant
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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