And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
