Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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