I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Randomize