i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I hate all girls vehemently.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
