That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize