...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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