What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
