I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
