He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
