yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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