If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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