We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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