I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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